I feel a bit like old Zechariah, tongue loosed after months of silence.
The truth is, I’ve felt hushed these last months. More aware than ever of the staggering magnitude of God and His abilities, and more deeply aware than ever of my lack. Lack of faith, lack of sufficiency, lack of time, lack of energy…just not enough in so many areas. And learning that it’s okay (like really, truly okay) to lean on Jesus in my insufficiency instead of trying to only half lean on Him. I’m a desperately
untrusting, stubborn independent (?) kind of a gal.
I’ve been focused in on baring my soul to God and hushing my own expectations – and maybe even the expectations of others, too. And with all that, I’ve been learning so much more about loving my husband and kiddos well.
I just haven’t had words for anything else.
Maybe I should also mention…we’re in the middle of a miracle. You know how the doctor said we were done having kids? Well, that’s what we thought, but God has graciously blessed us with another little blessing. This miracle-child is kicking me as I sit here, a minute-by-minute reminder that God can do anything He pleases.
There are other changes – difficult relationships that keep us up at night, difficult decisions to be made – that are anything but easy. Maybe you’re feeling some heaviness this Christmas, too?
I don’t have any great wisdom to offer you. Just this: take it to Jesus. Fall on your knees, seek Him with honesty, and I promise you:
Whatever you’re facing, He’ll face it with you.
Grace, peace, and Merry Christmas!