She laughed as she spilled the story, animated and bright-eyed.
It was funny. Her husband’s epic fail gathered a good sized crowd of listeners, and we laughed together as she regaled us with extra silly tidbits of his other shortcomings. Years later, I still don’t have a high opinion of the man – and I never met him. He held a respected position in the community, was promoted at work, and yet…his wife held up his most humiliating moment as public entertainment.
If you’re sobering down right about now, so am I. It scares me to think that I could so easily and unknowingly wound the most precious relationships in my life. ‘Cause here’s the thing: this lady wasn’t trying to be malicious. She was a good-hearted, well-meaning woman. She just acted in violation of rule #1 in the safe home handbook.
Home should be a safe place.
- Don’t spill what’s private to the world. (This seems to have been lost in a culture of revealing clothing and Facebook fights.) Some things are just best kept under wraps when in the public eye. Amen? Let’s keep it classy.
- Don’t underexpose. Protection sometimes means exposing to the light. Removing secrecy is to sin what antiseptic and oxygen are to a wound. If you need outside help, get it. (Case in point, the Duggar tragedy.) This is not a violation of rule #1…you are not spilling it to everyone. But staying silent in the face of sin is neither healthy nor safe.
- Tell it like it is, and do it lovingly. Speaking the truth in love is God’s way to create a safe place for your family. A healthy place. There is room to grow and enough oxygen for everyone when this protection is in place. Where else do our family members have room to be themselves without fear of rejection or smoke screens? Truth and kindness make the best house mothers.
- Treat your family better than your friends. (This is not a pass to treat your friends worse; it is a challenge to elevate the level of courtesy in your home.) 🙂 Give family members more consideration, more compliments and kindness, more loving words and your best-self-moments. Be present.
- The best protection you can give your family is to cover them in prayer. When you pray, you invoke the power of God over your family. That’s a big deal. A HUGE deal. Because He can go where you can’t, knows what you don’t, and protects better than you can dream.
Do you want to guess which one
gives me fits challenges me the most? It’s #4. I can manage politeness (barely) to the world on a horrible day, but my family gets what I really think. It is a constant challenge to me to treat them with consistent, unfailing courtesy, regardless of circumstances. When the trail of mud leads across the carpet, and I have a writing deadline, and the baby is down for a nap, the reasonable request for a cup of milk can be what unravels me. Work in progress? You bet I am! (I also gratefully accept prayers and casseroles.)
Is your home secure? Is it a place where grace thrives and healthy boundaries exist? A balance between airing dirty laundry to the world and allowing toxicity to grow unchecked might be tricky, but it is possible. The world doesn’t need to know that your kid did something
stupid unwise or your husband acted like a jerk tested the limits of your Christian forbearance. That’s what your Bible study girls or your BFF is for. Better yet, that’s what Face time (with your Creator, not your device) is for. Spill it to Him, spill it to the ones who will lift you up in prayer, but please…don’t splash it on social media or your coffee klatsch. The world just doesn’t need to know, and more importantly…your family doesn’t need the world to know.
Home should be a place of safety, where confidences are held close to the heart, grace is dispensed gospel-style, and toxic secrets are brought into the light. It is where we grow, together, in Christlikeness. It is not a halfway house for sin to grow undisturbed. You are the guardian of precious souls, and it is as vital to expose serious sin as it is to safeguard our family’s trust. Doing the former is one of the many aspects of fulfilling the latter. It’s easy to become hoodwinked into thinking that no good will come of bringing in outside help, but it is foolish to put a band aid on a wound oozing pus. That’s what you’re doing if you cover over sin.
Home is a buffer. It’s an island of safety in a nasty, hurtful world. It’s a place where we can retreat from the worries and ugliness and find refreshment and people who both know us and actually like us. So much damage can be done by unkind or untruthful words, and our family is exposed to who-knows-what when they’re out and about. We can’t put a muzzle on the rest of the world (tempting as it sounds.) 🙂 But we can speak words of kindness and honesty in our homes and relationships. We can become go-to people when someone wants a straight and loving answer. We can live out Proverbs 31:26 and have the “law of kindness” arrest mean words that want to slice and gut others.
Home is where family goes to be treated better than anywhere else. My kiddos are tiny still, (I’ll keep them that way, thanks!) but I am looking at a not-so-distant future when home will be only one of many options for my family to spend their time. I want it to be a fun, refreshing, delightful place that they want to come back to. Much of that depends on how they are treated in the here and now.
Intentional, regular prayer on behalf of our family is the best safeguard we can implement. If you do nothing else, do this. Pray for their hearts, their minds, their bodies. I won’t belabor the point, but there is nothing you can do that will have more eternal impact than your prayers. If you need help with what to pray, I created a free printable (usually on the Subscriber Freebies Page, but here today!) Prayers For A Christ Centered Home. Just click on the link and print as many copies as you need! 🙂
In summary, it needs to be a huge priority in the life of every Christian woman to create a loving home environment. Single or married, children or not, the home is a gathering place. As such, creating a safe and nurturing home is both life-giving and essential.
It’s up to us to set the tone.
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A Cheat Sheet For Tired? Yes, Please!
Proven strategies to help you take control of your tired today - in one handy, printable sheet!